’When the stars align’

Three days later, I recorded a video message to myself, affirming that I believed in myself and that this belief was valid simply because I said it. At that moment of impact, my intense fear—caused by my body missing the medication—transformed into a feeling of euphoria that lasted for weeks after I watched my video.

As 2018 had come to an end, I had received a message from Faslie, who was on the other side of the planet, encouraging me to take a leap of faith. Meanwhile, in that new year the second version of the virus SARS-CoV was detected, causing everyone in 2020 to repeat the word "CORONA" over and over again. "Corona" is a Latin word that means "Crown," which is a reference to the virus's appearance under a microscope. When Christmas Day arrived, we witnessed, not only through a telescope but even with the naked eye, the two largest planets in our solar system forming one grand "Bethlehem Star." I sent a Christmas message to everyone I knew, inviting them to join me in creating a better world together. Identifying with Sufism, the "religion of the heart," which sees everything and nothing as true, I attempted to explain the entirety of existence in 30 minutes, beginning with Light and the word that created it.

After Faslie and I met in 2012, he had to leave a few years later because the Malaysian government stopped financing the program that had sponsored his studies at Wageningen University and Research. In 2018, I experienced a mental collapse and was taken to a private clinic called U-Center, where I learned a great deal about life and how we, as humans, perceive it. In 2019, I decided to quit my antidepressant medication cold turkey.