The Third Agreement: “Don’t Make Assumptions”—Core Meaning and Application
The third agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s transformative system is “Don’t Make Assumptions”. At its core, this agreement urges individuals to resist the deeply ingrained human tendency to fill gaps in understanding by creating unverified stories about what others think, feel, or intend, or even about oneself. Ruiz points out that assumptions, though often subconscious, are shaped by personal fears, biases, and past experiences, causing people to believe in their own mental fabrications as if they were indisputable truths.
When we make assumptions, we substitute communication with speculation; we stop asking clarifying questions and cease expressing directly what we need or want, leading to misunderstanding, unnecessary drama, and emotional suffering. For example, an unreturned message might be interpreted as rejection rather than a result of circumstance, causing needless hurt and friction in relationships. This agreement encourages the cultivation of curiosity, clarity, and the courage to seek the truth by asking direct questions and communicating openly—a practice that not only dissolves misunderstandings but transforms relationships and one’s internal world.
Applying this agreement means checking your own judgments: when a situation triggers a narrative (“They must dislike me,” “I’m not good enough”), pause and inquire—“Do I know this is true?” Instead, both in interpersonal and internal contexts, the agreement advocates for direct conversation and a commitment to seeking verification before drawing conclusions. It is a call to greater self-awareness and to honoring reality as it is, not as one imagines it to be.
The Interdependence of the First and Third Agreements
The third agreement is both grounded in and dependent on the first agreement: “Be Impeccable with Your Word”. The first agreement entails using language with truth, integrity, and kindness, both in speech to others and in your own self-talk. When the first agreement is breached—when words are used carelessly, dishonestly, or with negativity—the environment for honest and open exchange is corrupted, and the very foundation for the third agreement is weakened.
If communication is unreliable, tainted by gossip, negative self-talk, or innuendo, individuals will naturally fill the vacuum of clear information with assumptions. This tendency is magnified by an atmosphere of distrust and emotional toxicity; when words lose their clarity and power, people become more prone to invent explanations for other people’s actions or words, often arriving at erroneous and harmful conclusions. Negative or careless self-talk further exacerbates this tendency: lacking self-confidence, people are more likely to project their insecurities onto others and construct unfounded narratives.
Conversely, practicing the first agreement enables the third; using words with clarity, honesty, and goodwill naturally diminishes the need to guess at others’ intentions, instead supporting direct inquiry and authentic expression. In such an environment, communication thrives and assumptions diminish, reducing misunderstandings and emotional pain.
The Cascade: How Failure of the Third Agreement Undermines the Others
Impact on the Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
When assumptions are made, there is a high probability of taking things personally. If a person assumes another’s words or actions are directed specifically at them, especially through the filter of insecurity or past wounds, this triggers personal offense, defensiveness, and unnecessary suffering. These emotional reactions are the very dynamic the second agreement seeks to prevent, illustrating how easily assumptions perpetuate personal drama and block emotional freedom.
Impact on the Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best
The emotional turmoil bred by assumption-driven misunderstandings drains energy, focus, and positivity, undermining a person’s ability to consistently bring their best effort and attention to each moment. When the mind is preoccupied with imagined slights or unresolved conflicts (born of unchecked assumptions), one’s capacity to “Always Do Your Best” is diminished because attention and motivation are wasted on emotional distractions rather than purposeful action.
Impact on the Fifth Agreement: Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen
The fifth agreement is a form of advanced discernment—encouraging skepticism about both external messages and internal dialogue, while cultivating the skill of attentively listening for truth. Making assumptions impedes this practice, as it blocks genuine curiosity and cloud judgment with preconceptions. When mired in assumptions, individuals do not listen deeply nor question their own stories—they simply react, closing the door to open-mindedness, critical thinking, and true understanding.
The Broader Consequence: Assumptions and the Loss of Collective Vision
The habit of making assumptions does not merely create individual strife; it actively narrows collective perspective. Assumptions turn focus inward—onto fears, perceived slights, and imagined dramas—thus isolating individuals in their subjective narratives, and separating them from shared reality.
In an era where humanity faces existential threats such as the sixth mass extinction and catastrophic climate change, this contraction of perspective poses extraordinary dangers. These crises are planetary in scale; they impact everyone—regardless of background, identity, or personal grievances. If individuals or societies remain caught in webs of unverified stories, personal conflicts, and reactive emotionalism, attention is diverted from the common ground and urgent collective interests.
Assumptions fragment societies and undermine the unity, trust, and clarity that are absolutely necessary to mobilize collaborative, coordinated responses to global threats. Emotional energy that ought to be channeled into combating climate change or biodiversity loss is squandered on trivial misunderstandings and self-centered grievances. The scale of global environmental crises dwarfs the importance of most personal offenses, underscoring the critical need to transcend assumptions, focus on shared realities, and prioritize the wellbeing of all.
The Path Forward: Reclaiming Vision Beyond Assumptions
To overcome the dangers of assumption—and thus unlock the potential of individual and collective action—Ruiz calls for proactive curiosity, honest inquiry, and transparent communication. By asking questions, expressing needs clearly, and withholding judgment until facts are known, individuals and societies can establish the conditions for understanding, trust, and unity.
When these habits replace assumption and reactivity, conflicts diminish, relationships strengthen, and people can see beyond personal drama to recognize their interdependence and shared fate on a fragile planet. This is not only a personal or spiritual evolution, but a civilizational imperative in a time of unprecedented environmental peril.
Conclusion
The third agreement—“Don’t Make Assumptions”—is far more than a tool for peaceful relationships; it is a blueprint for honest living and collective survival. Its full power is unleashed in tandem with the first agreement, which supplies the language of truth, and is tested by its influence on all the others. Breaking this agreement multiplies grief, conflict, and confusion at every level—from internal thoughts to world affairs. As assumptions dissolve and are replaced with clear communication, societies gain the shared vision and mutual understanding necessary to confront the enormous challenges posed by climate change and mass extinction. Only by transcending self-imposed mental fictions can humanity focus its attention and energies on what truly matters: protecting the future of all life on Earth.
